The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Your cock deserves a montage
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
