i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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