I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
