Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
