she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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