i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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