The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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