when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
