Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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