It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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