bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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