i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
