She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
