I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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