At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Come see our sink grown plant.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
