also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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