Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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