Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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