Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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