It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
