I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
