Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I skipped work to stalk him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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