I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
