mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
