Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Randomize
