I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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