I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
