Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
