i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This house was built for laser tag.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
