how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
