Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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