never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
