Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
