She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
