We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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