in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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