I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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