I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
