I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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