I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
