Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
