It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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