you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
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At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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