Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
