I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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