Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
