I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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