Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
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She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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