Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize