Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize