The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
