it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
