she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
