I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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