New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Never joke about your clitoris.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
