i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
