a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
