By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
