I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
