We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your penis caused this!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
