He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
