she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
