my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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