Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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