I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
