She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
