I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Can I color on your dick again?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
