are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
