Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
