anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize