I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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